


A Collection of Madness

by curry-murderererer (QueenVulture0)



Category: The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Slapstick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24707362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenVulture0/pseuds/curry-murderererer
Summary: A random jumble of oneshot requests from my Tumblr @curry-murderererer
Relationships: Mike (Young Ones)/Vyvyan Basterd, Neil Wheedon Watkins Pye/Rick (Young Ones), Vyvyan Basterd/Rick (Young Ones)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. My family was never the touchy-feely type - Rivyan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vyvyan reveals for the first time what his dream job is; Rick makes the mistake of making a joke out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First request, first shot! Thanks and shoutout to @oh-smeg / @neil-neil-orange-peel on Tumblr.

The days were long for a medical student. At least for one who actually did their work. Today Vyvyan was trying, he really was. Today turned out to be the longest day of his waking life. He’d spent so much time blowing things up and berating Rick that he hadn’t got any work done yet in the term. It was amazing that he was still a student. 

“Vyv…?”

“What, Neil?” Vyvyan didn’t look up from the paper he was writing on at the kitchen table.

“It’s half past 5.” Since the punk made no sort of reply, Neil continued, “shouldn’t you be, like, screaming at me for dinner by now?”

“Not hungry.”

The People’s Poet, sat across from Vyvyan with the last week’s newspaper in hand slammed it down and made a face. “What do you mean you’re not hungwry, Vyvyan?”

Vyvyan paused his writing to look up, bitterly. “It means I’m not hungry, spazzy!” Rather than taking a punch at him, or sticking the pencil in his head, he merely resumed writing away.

“Oh, haha!” Rick sneered and bounced onto his feet. “Reverse psychology, well it won’t work on me! I know all about psychology.”

Neil piped in. “You study Sociology, Rick.” 

“That includes bits of psychology sometimes,” Rick explained.

Vyvyan didn’t look up, but he questioned, “how would you know? You never do your work.”

“Neither do you.” Rick skated around the table to peer down over his shoulders. “So what are you doing? Writing about how much you loathe Neil, no doubt!” He gripped the paper from beneath his hand and pencil and pulled it up to his face. “It’s harder to care for a baby than it is an adult,” Rick quoted. He snorted and nodded. “Yes, Neil weally is a big baby!” He continued reading, “babies must be handled with more care, even in a dire emergency. Babies--”

“Give me that!” By now Vyvyan was standing as well, and he snatched the paper back from the spaz.

“That’s really heavy, Vyvyan.” Neil pouted. “Write all about me being a baby. It’s not like I do all the work ‘round here, right, and I have to take care of you lot.”

Vyvyan rolled his eyes and pointed the loose paper at Neil. “It’s not about you, hippie!” He turned back towards Rick. “I want to work in a NICU.”

“Oh, I’ll give you a nick!” Rick shouted and started towards Vyvyan. The punk put up his free hand, pressing it on Rick’s forehead to keep him at arm’s length.

“No, you girl! NICU, Nanonatal Intensive Care Unit.”

Mike piped in from just about out of nowhere, “neonatal, Vyv, but close.” He’d been peacefully reading this week’s paper this entire time. 

Rick backed up a step and huffed. “You want to work with babies?”

“Sick newborns, yeah.” Vyvyan nodded. 

“Well..!” Rick was at a loss for words. He desperately forced another laugh. “What a poof!”

Once again, Vyvvyan had the opportunity to attack Rick, but he didn’t. He snatched his pencil from the table and stomped up the stairs, not a single insult spewing from his mouth. 

“Oh, you’ve done it now.”

“Shut up!” Rick spat at Neil. He hesitated, feeling like maybe he crossed a line today. Maybe pissing on something Vyvyan was clearly passionate about wasn’t the best option. After a few moments of thought, he followed up the stairs to the redhead’s room. 

“Er, Vyvyan?” He knocked on the door, pretty gentle for a slapstick comedy if you ask me. 

“Piss off!” Came from the other side. 

“Vyvyan,” Rick whined, “I’m sewious. We can’t have a conversation through a door.”

A fist came flying through the door, making a hole in the door. The punks hand hit it a few more times so he could stick his head through. “Sure we can!”

Rick didn’t reciprocate the violence. “Come on, Vyvyan,” he spoke quietly. 

Vyvyan gave an exacerbated sigh and removed his head to open the door properly. “What do you want?”

“I…” Well, this was going to be the hardest thing Rick has ever said. If only he could swallow his pride for a few minutes… “I’m sorry. Being a doctor for babies isn’t poofy.”

Vyvyan didn’t respond, he didn’t really know what to say (which was frightfully odd), but he had moved out of the way to allow Rick entrance. Upon silent invitation, he entered. The whole situation was becoming real awkward real quick. 

Vyvyan panicked and just started talking. “I’ve never had support from anyone in my life, and you’re the last person I would expect to change that, but…” The punk was growing vulnerable. The panic even began to set in Rick’s stomach now. “That was the first time I ever told anybody what I wanted to do.”

“Well,” Rick began but was interrupted by Vyvyan pointing at him. 

“Now don’t you go saying it’s not poofy again.” He wagged his finger. “I know it is poofy. And girly!” He plopped down on his filthy bed, a small layer of dirt becoming airborne. 

“Vyvyan,” Rick began, “you’re alweady a medical student. You can’t exactly change what you want to do now. It wouldn’t be fair anyway…” He sat beside the punk, and without much thinking, he put his hand on the other’s shoulder. 

Vyvyan quickly shifted aside, getting the other to stop touching him. “What did you do that for?”

Rick hadn’t realized until this moment what he had done. “I--” he stammered, “I think, it’s something my mother used to do when I was upset…”

“Talk about poofy.” This lighthearted comment made both of them ease the tension by laughing. Once they’d settled again, pretty quickly too, Vyvyan went back to being serious. “My family was never the touchy-feely type. I suppose family is really just mum…” 

“Well, we’re better than that, aren’t we?” 

“I suppose, yeah.” Vyvyan put his hand out for a handshake. “Truce?”

“Right on.” Rick grinned and shook the other’s hand. 

Once their hands departed from the other, the two immediately scowled and returned to their normal bitter fights. Shouting and over-the-top violence. Things were good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first jab at writing TYO, so it's really mediocre. I'll get better over time, I swear!


	2. No one's ever done that to me before - Rivyan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four have found a way to live comfortably while homeless and low on funds. Vyvyan and Rick end up getting a little closer to each other tonight, which was bound to one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't necessarily a part 2 to my first upload, but there is a reference to that one in here. It's basically in the same universe as the first one. Otherwise, it's a standalone tale. Enjoy!
> 
> Thanks for the request, shoutout to @shotsofnovacaine on Tumblr! :)

In some aspects, homeless living was surprisingly better than student housing. Subjectively, the best part of it all is showering. No more sharing week-old bathwater. They were finally clean, and they didn’t have to worry about bathroom duty. Yes, things were golden. 

The four had saved up just enough money for the cheapest tents they could find. They could only spare enough for 2, which meant Rick and Vyvyan had to share (more so, argue over who smelled worse. or who was too fat to make room for that night), Mike had a tent to himself, and Neil slept with the flowers. “Vegetable rights, right?” Mike had reasoned and somehow talked him into spending the Spring days among rich...nothing. Maybe a few poisonous berries and thorned roses. No, the dirt wasn’t that luxurious. 

Their current living was quite similar to their old living, just a much smaller space. They lived on a campground now. Nearby was a communal shower and toilet, which was shared with the campers that came and went. Nobody really seemed to mind they were living there. They didn’t even have to pay a fee. 

“That’s my pillow.” Vyvyan had just come back from getting his free shower. Something about the water being free made it a lot cleaner. Now, how about that.

“How could it be your pillow? My head’s westing on it!” Rick snorted. He thought he was hilarious.

“Right.” That was all that came out of the punk’s mouth before he proceeded with his hourly act of violence. He gripped Rick’s hair to lift his head, took the pillow out from under him, and then allowed his head to fall right onto the stiff ground. 

Rick shouted, “you bastard!” He sat right up and punched Vyvyan directly in the face. Now, there wasn’t much room to keep this fight going as they usually did, and they were both too dumb to think of taking it outside. What else did they have to do besides wrestle? So, like girls, they ripped at each other’s hair and rolled around, back and forth across the meter and a half of space they had, cursing at one another. 

After, god knows how long they could keep this going without interruption, Mike’s voice came from the outside. “Could you guys keep it down? You’re distracting me from my reading.”

“You can’t read pictures,” Neil unnecessarily commented.

“Oh, sure you can,” Mike replied, “a picture’s worth a thousand words, but a nude picture is worth twice that.”

Both Rick and Vyvyan reluctantly let go of each other and settled back down on their respective sides. The punk’s energy seemed to dip pretty quickly, and he reached some sort of...calm?

“Listen, it was a real girly thing to do, giving Neil your pillow. But you can share with me.” He adjusted the pillow so it would be right in the middle. 

Rick looked at him as if he had two heads. “Are you sewious?”

“Don’t make me rethink this decision,” the redhead threatened. “Yes Rick, I’m serious.”

“Well, thank you, Vyvyan.” Rick was transparently awkward about it. 

“Poof,” was all the other had to say before the two of them lay down. Rick had his head rested as close to the edge of the pillow as he could without being completely off of it. Of course Vyvyan wasn’t going to notice, nor ignore this. “Come here.”

“What for?” Rick asked immediately.

“Don’t spaz out,” Vyvyan replied, “just come here.”

Rick scooted closer, but only a bit. The punk didn’t have to say anything for the transfer of the message, “closer,” so he shifted further. Now he was right against Vyvyan’s side, and they were both equally sharing the pillow. 

“Night,” Vyvyan blurted out suddenly. Rick was too tongue-tied to attempt a response. Not even a simple. “whatever.” back, how pathetic he was. 

About a half-hour passed and things were just getting weird. That punk with so much pent up rage was fast asleep, looking so relaxed, and he was right up on his mortal enemy’s side! And it gave Rick a sense of vulnerability. He couldn’t sleep, it wasn’t that late anyway. He liked seeing this side to Vyvyan. His hair was down, almost fully dried now, and it was almost like his piercings didn’t match his personality anymore. The punk in him was dormant.

Rick just couldn’t help it. He reached for a bit of the red hair and twirled it in his finger. It was so soft…

“What are you doing?”

Damn!

Rick pulled away so quickly. Horrified, he went stiff and practically hid under the covers. “Nothing..!”

“It’s...fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Rick was dumbfounded by this reply. “What, weally?”

“Yeah…” Vyvyan replied, quieter now. “No one’s ever done that to me before..but it’s fine.”

Rick remembered back to the last time he touched Vyvyan in a way that wasn’t violent. Just that innocent hand on the shoulder. He had moved away then. What changed? 

“You weally haven’t had any weal touch, have you?” Rick asked, sounding more concerned than he meant to. Vyvyan gave no sort of reply. Rick didn’t need to say anything back either. He decided to turn on his side, move just a bit closer, and put his arms around the other. 

Rick had to be sure. “Are you alwright with this?”

“It’s fine,” Vyvyan replied. He didn’t need to be so aggressive about it, and he knew that. “It’s alright…”


	3. Could you play with my hair? - Rivyan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, Rick finds Vyvyan holding onto him on the floor of the tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this is definitely a second part of the 2nd chapter. (If you haven't read it, please do!) It wasn't requested by anyone, I just kinda wanted fluff so I compiled 3 unused lines: "could you play with my hair?" "let's just cuddle forever," and "you are legally required to keep holding me." Also, if I was going to go forward with Rivyan in the future, this little bit of development was important for me to get comfortable with them.

The morning came with the sun shining through a blemish in the tent. Once the rays hit just right, Rick woke up...to...Vyvyan. He had his legs wrapped around the poet’s waist and his arms tucked right beneath his. His head was comfortably rested on his shoulder, red hair relaxed. 

Oh, fuck…

Well, what was he supposed to do now? Try to wake him? No, he couldn’t do that...it would be weird. Surely Vyvyan didn’t do this consciously. 

“I know you’re awake,” came in a tired mumble from Vyvyan. Damn him! He didn’t move a muscle, too sleepy to let go. 

Rick awkwardly asked, “how did you sleep?”

“Shut up…”

Rick did. But not because he was told to! 

“Could you play with my hair?” 

This question came as a huge surprise to Rick. “I...could…”

Vyvyan said nothing else, so Rick did just that. He played with his fluffy mess of red hair. He was certainly hesitant at first, but once he got to run his fingers through it a few times, he realized how nice it really was. His hair was even softer than it was last night. In their few years of knowing each other, Rick had no idea how nice his closest friend’s hair was. He’d only ever seen it with dye slapped in, or spiked into the triple mohawk. 

“Are you gonna spike your hair again today?” Rick asked, sort of hoping he wouldn’t. Give his hair a day of rest, or whatever excuse there was. 

“Not until I get up,” Vyvyan answered. 

Rick smirked. There would be no getting up today. He moved his hands down, allowing himself to wrap his arms around the tired punk, and then squeezed him tight. “Let’s just cuddle forever, then, hm?”

Vyvyan grinned (yes, grinned!), then fed a lot of his limited energy into squeezing Rick back. Somehow he managed to hold on just a tad tighter, damn near cracking ribs. “Lucky you, you are legally required to keep holding me.”

Rick was barely able to spit out a breathless, “bastard..!” 

Vyvyan cackled somewhat and settled back down, most of his energy now sapped. Rick did the same, going back to playing with his hair. Things were going swell until Rick started getting tired again, just about ready to fall asleep. If they were going to stay there forever, there would be a lot of sleeping. His hand settled in one spot, fingers hidden beneath tufts of hair and the palm of his head cupping a particularly round spot. 

“No, poof, don’t go back to sleep yet.” Vyvyan tried to think up some way to keep Rick awake and petting his head. Lucky for him, he was a quick thinker. Not even much of a thinker, he just acted on any impulse he got. He tilted his head upwards a bit, giving the other a few tiny kisses on the neck. Ha! Now Rick wasn’t gonna fall comfortably back asleep for a long time.   
  
Damn him for being right, too. Rick’s eyes shot wide open, and even though he wasn’t even moving before, he was completely frozen now. He felt blood rise to his face, and he suddenly couldn’t remember how to breathe. He wanted badly to say something, anything! Protest such activities! “V...Vuh...buh….”

Vyvyan let out a sort of disgruntled groan. He was just so tired. But no, Rick was being such a twit. He rested his hands on the ground, pushing himself up a bit and raising his head, hovering just above the other’s face. “Now Ricky, if you don’t stop acting like a little girl, I’ll have to kiss you on the lips.” Boy, what a threat. He smirked and rested his index finger on Rick’s lips. “Right there.”

Rick made some sort of sly smirk back, then bit down on the punk’s finger before he could take it away. Not hard, of course, just a bit to catch him off guard. 

“Oh! So it’s going to be like that?” Vyvyan’s faded smirk turned into a wicked grin, and like their own language, they both knew just when to equally start wrestling. They rolled back and forth across the tent, much like last night, until someone managed to get the upper hand. 

Rick remained on top, pinning Vyvyan’s shoulders into the ground with his hands and his legs locking his. The two of them smiled maniacally for a few seconds, but things became a bit fuzzier between them. Each of them felt this unfamiliar warmth bubbling in their chest and face. The poet had a slightly better idea of what it was than the punk. Their smiles faded away at the same beat, leaving only moments of longing gazes into the other’s eyes. 

It wasn’t awkward, per se, but it desperately needed to be broken. One second turned into one minute turned into one hour - at least, that’s how it seemed. It could have been an hour, blue eyes staring back at blue eyes. The poet wanted more. There was a magnetic pull between the two of them, or maybe it was gravity pulling Rick down onto Vyvyan. Either way, it would have made for a beautiful poem. The thought of that should have made him sick, but it didn’t. 

Rick’s lips landed directly on Vyvyan’s, gently like a graceful fall of a feather. While both of them knew this was coming, neither of them were prepared. Both of them had such soft lips, which came as a huge surprise. Nevermind how chapped and dry they might have been most of the time, when they collided they were just so silky. 

As Rick pulled away and opened his eyes, he found himself in a quite comfortable position. He rested one arm on the ground just against Vyvyan’s side, and his free hand was rested on his chest. The two made eye contact again and smiled at each other with more passion and warmth this time. 

Vyvyan found his hands cupped around Rick’s waist. “Kiss me again,” he requested. Never had anyone in the world heard the punk speak so softly. Rick complied. 

He brought his free hand up from the other’s side to his hair, allowing his fingers to comb right through as he kissed him again. This time it was much longer, and both of them were a little more ready for it. 

Once the moment was over, which was inevitably going to be sooner or later, Rick settled down beside Vyvyan. He allowed the redhead softie to cuddle into his side, and gladly now Rick was able to play with his hair without getting so worked up about it.

“I hate you,” Vyvyan said, nuzzling his shoulder.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be a lot shorter, 500 words at most, but y'all will find out soon enough that I struggle to write under 1000 words.


End file.
